Navigating the “I Want to Go Home” Conversations in Dementia Care

Caring for someone with dementia can be both rewarding and challenging. One of the most common and often distressing phrases you may hear is, “I want to go home.” If your loved one frequently expresses this, it’s important to understand why they feel this way and how you can respond in a way that offers comfort rather than confusion.

Why do people with dementia ask to go home?

Dementia affects the way a person experiences time and memory. People living with dementia often move back and forth between different time periods in their mind. In one moment, they may be living in the present, and in the next, they may believe they are much younger, perhaps reliving a period when they lived in a different house. This shift in perception can lead to distress when they look around and no longer recognise their surroundings as ‘home.’

When someone with dementia says they want to go home, they may not be referring to a specific place but rather to a feeling of safety, familiarity, and security. Home represents comfort, and if they no longer recognise their current environment, they may feel lost or unsettled.

How familiar objects can help

One of the best ways to ease this distress is by surrounding your loved one with familiar objects. Personal belongings from past homes can help create a sense of recognition and continuity. These may include:

• Family photographs
• A favourite ornament or piece of furniture
• A cherished blanket or cushion
• Books or trinkets from their previous home

These objects act as memory cues, offering comfort and reducing anxiety. When clearing out items, it’s important to keep meaningful objects that can serve as reminders of the past.

Additionally, sensory elements such as familiar scents, sounds, and routines can play a crucial role. Playing music they love, using familiar perfumes, or incorporating traditional family meals into their routine can help create a sense of belonging.

How to respond when they say, “I want to go home”

Hearing this phrase can be heartbreaking, especially if they are already at home. Instead of correcting them, consider using these approaches to provide reassurance and ease distress:

Validate their feelings

Rather than dismissing their request, acknowledge their emotions. Say something like:

“I know you miss home. Tell me about your home—what do you love about it?” This lets them express their feelings and helps shift their focus to a more comforting memory.

Use familiar objects as a distraction

Since the feeling of wanting to go home is often linked to memories, familiar objects can be useful tools to redirect their attention. If they mention going home, try this approach:

“This ornament is lovely. Was it in your home? Tell me about it.” This encourages conversation and gently shifts the focus from their distress to something positive.

Create a homely environment

To make them feel more settled, ensure their living space reflects their past home as much as possible. Keep familiar decorations, soft lighting, and treasured possessions in view. Scent and sound play a huge role in evoking memories, so playing their favourite music or using scents associated with their past can provide comfort.

Avoid arguing or correcting them

If they insist they are not at home, responding with logic can sometimes cause more frustration. Instead of saying, “But you are home,” try a softer approach like:

“We’ll go home soon, but let’s sit here for a while and have a cup of tea first.” This provides reassurance without causing distress.

Look for underlying needs

Sometimes, saying “I want to go home” can be a sign of unmet needs such as anxiety, hunger, pain, or tiredness. Ensuring their basic comfort—such as warmth, hydration, or a restful environment—can sometimes resolve the situation without further distress.

Engaging activities to ease distress

Providing meaningful activities can help keep your loved one engaged and reduce the likelihood of them repeatedly asking to go home. Some effective activities include:

• Looking through photo albums – Triggering positive memories can offer reassurance and spark conversation.
• Listening to music from their past – Music has a strong emotional impact and can reduce anxiety.
• Doing simple, repetitive tasks – Activities like folding laundry or sorting objects can provide a sense of purpose and familiarity.
• Storytelling and reminiscing – Encouraging them to share memories about their childhood or family traditions can be comforting and reassuring.

Frequently asked questions

Should I tell them they are already home?

It’s usually better to offer reassurance rather than correction. If they don’t recognise their environment as home, insisting that they are home may cause frustration. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and gently redirect the conversation.

What if they become distressed when I don’t take them home?

Reassure them with a calming voice and comforting actions. You might say, “We’ll go home soon, but first, let’s have a chat.” If they are highly distressed, try to understand if something specific is making them anxious, such as being overtired or feeling unwell.

How can I make their current home feel more familiar?

Use personal objects from their past home, such as photographs, furniture, or decorations they love. Keep a familiar routine, as consistency helps reduce confusion.

What if they repeatedly ask to go home throughout the day?

This can be a sign of underlying anxiety. Using reassurance, meaningful objects, and engaging them in activities they enjoy can help break the cycle of distress.

Can medication help with this behaviour?

While some medications can help manage anxiety or agitation in dementia, non-medical interventions should always be the first approach. If distress becomes persistent and unmanageable, speak with a healthcare professional to explore appropriate options.

Helping your loved one feel safe and at home

Hearing a loved one with dementia say they want to go home can be difficult, but understanding why they feel this way can help you respond with empathy. By creating a familiar environment, using distraction techniques, and validating their emotions, you can help ease their distress and offer them a sense of security.

Ultimately, home isn’t always a place—it’s a feeling. And by providing comfort, warmth, and reassurance, you can help your loved one feel safe, no matter where they are. Recognising their need for familiarity and responding with patience and kindness can make a meaningful difference in their daily life.